Growing Up...

So here we are again...Friends moving on...Getting married, engaged, or having kids.  It seems like Spring and Summer is the time of year when people get engaged or find out they are pregnant and life starts moving forward for them.  They start planning a more intense future and start well, moving on.  Sometimes forgetting the friends that they had or even letting their spouse tell them who they can and cannot hang out with. 
Thus, friends begin to disappear.  I had a friend get married and his wife told him that we could not be friends.  This kills me how often spouses do this.  Needless to say, this marriage did not last and now this person ( I have a hard time calling them my friend) is calling to try a "catch back up".  I'm not good when people start disappearing...It hurts.  It makes me feel like I have never been important to you.  Like I was just a friend of convienence. 
So, let me just clarify...super stoked my friends who are getting married have found happiness!  I couldn't be more happier for you.  Just don't forget who you were. 
As for my friends procreating, I also wish you happiness, unfortunately, I know that you will move forward and start planning with other families.  It's just the way life goes-hard as it is to say.  Now there may be a few who will still hang out, but that hardly ever happens.  You've moved forward, but the rest of us are here...

The Great Social Experiment

Social media...everyone uses it. This blog is social media and yes, I use social media. However, is there a cost with it? Do people take social media too serious? Now to start off, these are just my ramblings and if you agree or don't agree it is up to you. I am not writing to create any kind of fight or looking for approval, but these are just my thoughts.

So, back to where I was going-Is social media good or bad? Is there a middle ground?
You may be asking, Why am I asking these questions? Well, here we go.

I have had a ton of experiences using social media-good and bad. Let me go over a few of the good for me. I have reconnected with friends that I had in middle school, that I haven't seen for years. You know the drill, people move to different places, you just lose touch as you get older, and well, priorities have changed. I have also met lots of people that , without social media, have never gotten to know. I can keep in touch with family and friends that I may not be able to see everyday or across the globe. I love seeing photos and chatting to see what is going on in their lives. Good or bad. I'm there for them if they just need to a friend to listen...sometimes it's just easier to put your thoughts on "paper" than being able to speak them. Sometimes, maybe you want to say something, but just don't have the chance to sit and have a full on conversation...either way...you keep in touch.
However, is this the way we should keep in touch? Yeah, it's easier and most of us are on a computer, phone, tablet, whatever the majority of the day and this is just convienent. The question that I'm leading to here is, Have we lost the personal touch? When you talk to someone on the phone or at dinner, you get to hear the emotion and facial expressions. You may connect with them just a bit more. You have that moment. It means just a bit more to sit down for coffee and gather as friends or family and just experience this and add to our memories. You've made he effort to be together because sometimes that's what it is all about-Being together. Yes, it may be hard to have some conversations in person, but when did we become babies about how we feel?
So, some of my bad...well, I rant and rave sometimes. We have bad days and can say mean things sometimes, without even thinking. We have opinions and some people may not like our opinions. We may see someone post something on our page and delete it and that person may get angry at you...not knowing why you deleted it and then start a fight not letting you explain wh you deleted. Some of your friends may not like what some of your other friends are saying and start a fight that way. Thus, leading you to question-do I delete this friend and friend because I refuse to deal with the fighting, do I choose to ignore...Is there a bigger issue that I'm not aware of. Why are my friends juping down my throat because I was venting....These are some of my bad. I have lost a few friends to social media, because they couldn't believe that I either posted a political thought, deleted something that I felt was inappropriate on my page, a religious belief, or they just didn't like my thoughts.
Here's the thing...I was a friend first. I had a connection with this person at some point and we could sit and have a conversation and discuss. We could do this without jumping to conclussions. Each person could actually hear what the other is saying and thus the great debate can begin.

I have more thoughts, but this is getting to be a bit much. Besides, the NHL All-Star Fantasy Daft is on. So...there will be more on a later date. So I guess part 1 of this random thought is coming to an end.

Hello all! I know it has been quite awhile since I have posted. A lot of things have happened since my last post. We have moved back to Raleigh, both of us have new jobs, and my brother got married!

Yup, we sold the house in Charlotte and decided to come back home. We are back with our families (hockey and relatives) and love being back.

My tears...

So, some of you may be asking...why are you torturing yourself by writing about your dog. Some may say really, it was only a dog. I had to pick up her ashes today and it was....well, I'm not sure-heartbreaking. One of my fondest memories is when we had a horrible snow storm in Raleigh and Mike picked me up from work because it was terrible to drive. We had so much fun-Dennis, Chad, Mike and I...and of course Dixer Doo. The snow made a tree branch heavy and it fell, therefore, creating a huge crash. This making Dixie freak out. She rammed into Dennis' bedroom door and woke him up from his slumber...scaring him and making Dennis scream for Mike...That dog did not like storms of any kind. We still laugh about that one.

I feel like I'm taking this one harder than most deaths-human and animal. Dixie was my protector. I could tell her anything and she wouldn't blab or judge me. She would just sit there and look at me with her loving eyes and give me her paw at just the right times. Like she knew exactly what I was saying. She would lay there with me when I was sick, at the curve of my legs. You could always count on Dixie to be there when you needed her...When you were having a down moment or just needed a good cry, she would just place her head on your lap or stomach and let you have your moment. No questions asked...she just knew she had to be there. She was the most loyal animal and didn't have a mean bone in her body. She accepted you for who you were without judgement or a disapproving look. She had unconditional love.

Some of you have no idea what I'm talking about. The love of an animal is completely different from the love of a human. I can't explain it, but it is something so very pure. Our baby girl has left us and is in a much better place. She no longer feels pain and I can see her running in the middle of a stream or even at the beach, chasing the birds. Or even better, chasing bunny rabbits behind my townhouse and Mike and I looking at each other, thinking she may never come back. Our baby girl gave us lots of love, protected us, cared for us, watched over us at night, and never ever feared death. Dogs don't fear death, they don't know any better. Humans fear death...We love and miss you baby girl. You are our Dixer Doo, our psycho mutt dog. We will have another girl dog, but none that will ever replace our Dixie. We love you Dixie.

Random typing from work...

So I typed this on Friday....

As I am sitting at work today and over the past few days, I’ve begun to notice older couples. I mean I have noticed them before, but for some reason this past week has been different. I’ve been watching the mannerisms and how some are very feisty and some are more laid back. Some couples hold hands when they are walking in and some don’t even acknowledge one another. Majority of them however are very sweet towards one another. I sit and look at them and wonder about their life and what they have been through as a couple. Some of them I have gotten to know very well and some are very withdrawn. I’ve watched some of these couples dwindle down to one and then watched that person slowly dip into a deep depression. Some I’ve scheduled appointments for and then received the call that I will never see them again. I’ve had one patient that seemed very vibrant and full of spite, only to find out that they are now in a home and have dementia. This person now relies on the help of others and doesn’t even recognize his family.



I guess I am writing this because I am thinking about my own family-my mother, my father, brother, Mike’s mother, Wray, and sister-and how much they have changed. How much priorities have changed. Mike and I are moving closer to be with our family and friends. Not saying we didn’t have friends in Charlotte , but this is different. I feel like we need to be closer, like we are missing out on so much with our families. When I say family, I also mean some of our closest friends, our hockey family. I feel like I am being pulled back to Raleigh for a reason and I need to listen to what my heart is telling me to do. Some of our friends in Charlotte seem to understand this, but some don’t. Oh well…



Some folks have said that we’re moving back to Raleigh just because of hockey. Well, that’s only partially true. If that were the case, Charlotte does have hockey…if that were the sole reason we were moving. Our hockey friends here are very different from our hockey family…and that’s what it is, they’re not our family. The players here are very nice and have hearts of gold, they’ve shown that they care and would do anything for the fans. At times I wish I had never worked for the Checkers and had that experience, well wish I had, but with a different outcome. That’s all I’m saying about that.



Anyway, back to seeing older couple…I wandered in my thoughts, but eventually it all comes back around full circle.

An American Tail

As I sat down for dinner tonight , the movie"An American Tail" came on. You know the one, Fival and his family move from Germany to the United States. The air was dirty, the work was hard, but family and dreams mattered. There was innocence-no cats in America-really what were they thinking? The dream-a better life for the family, safety, and a fresh start. What is the american dream now? To survive? To not go down in flames....

There was this little mouse-Fival-lost...he was an innocent. He had this beautiful dream of finding his family. Can you imagine? Then there is the scene of Fival singing to the moon...Somewhere out there, out where dreams come true. Still brings tears to my eyes. Why? Well, because it brings me back to my childhood, my dreams, my innocence...

Where is the innocence today? I watch people and wonder-when did their dreams disappear? Did they develop new ones, counting on those and not expectingthose to vanish. Are they living their dreamand did they exceed it?

All this from a movie and childhood. I know right...Somehow I connected with this movie and it spoke to me then and it still does. In the end, Fival finds his family-yay...he achieved his dream, what next? Fival made his dream happen-yup...HE made it happen. So what about you? What have you done to make your dreams happen?

Ugh...

So, as the title suggests...this is how I have felt over the past few days. Actually, maybe more of a month. I feel disgustng. I feel like I am a blob..even though I'm not and I don't know quite what to do about it. I feel like I have no energy and almost feel like I am in "shut-down" mode. You know how you feel like you're stressed, but not quite sure how to handle it.

I guess I'm so focused on wanting to finish school, where should I start boxing up stuff, how is the move going to go, where are we going to live (yes, Raleigh-that I am fully aware of, but where), will Mike get transferred, what will I do...

Also, I have the dentist coming up...yup, eval of the wisdom teeth...which I am terrified of being put under...

Oh and selling the house...

oh and I have my first photography gig...yay, but holy hell...could I survive by taking pictures as my job? Oh my, imagaine me chewing my fingernails like corn on the cob...

So, these are just the thoughts that I feel like sharing that have gone through my mind over the past 30 minutes....Trust me there are tons more...